3 Steps To Forget Fear And Become More Confident
Become more confident
Are you wondering why some people are so confident in almost every situation? Do they have absolutely no fear or anxiety towards anything?
I used to wonder and ask myself this as well. What makes them so different? What do they do what I’m not doing?
If you want to find out what practical steps you can take to start working on your fears and get more confident, read on.
You might find this hard to believe but, there is not one person in the world who is absolutely fearless.
There are, and there will always be, fears in our lives. Big and small. There is no way around or beyond it. Fear is part of our brain and is how we are wired.
When we still lived in caves (like somewhere in the ’70s 😉) and were a prey for many animals, this actually helped us out quite a bit when a tiger was chasing us and we had enough fear to actually get up 😑 and run for our lives.
Nowadays, it’s not that necessary anymore but that part of our brain still exists and still plays a part. This plays a part in good ways but also in negative ways that unnecessarily take away our chances and opportunities. That is what I would like to shine a light on in this article.
The difference between people who go past their fears and succeed is the actions they take towards it.
Fear comes in different forms. We don’t have to shiver and feel complete terror to be ‘in fear’.
When you are insecure, frustrated, angry, or nervous, this is all born out of fear.
What you will read about in this blog is what the three steps are that you can take to get yourself out of fear and into becoming more confident.
Have self-discipline behind the scenes
Speak out what your goal is
Do more than the average person
Step 1: Have Self-discipline Behind the Scenes
Be true to yourself when nobody’s watching.
What am I trying to say with this? When you make promises to yourself, do keep them!
Take action on the goals you set out for yourself and be as self-disciplined with this as you can. Be the best version of yourself that you can be.
Most important about this is, that you know and see yourself that you are capable of sticking to something and performing your best.
When you, the most important person in your life, are keeping your promise this builds your confidence.
Just to name an example:
When you are trying to lose weight. The thing you need to do is eat healthy, exercise, and work on your mindset to know that you will accomplish your goals.
Of course, your friends might support you and comfort you but you would have to do the hard and ‘lonely’ work yourself.
Specifically, when people aren’t around, you have to stick to the plan and make yourself do the good stuff. This is where your build your ‘confidence character’.
YOU GOT THIS!!!
When you made a promise to yourself and you are keeping yourself to it, you don’t need any outside source or social confirmation to tell you how you did or how you are doing. You know for yourself that you have the discipline to do something and get somewhere.
So when people have rude comments or are not as supportive as you hoped they would be, you can dust off those shoulders and confidently know and say that you did all you could and you know you did. No harsh words will get to you.
This will create self-respect, self-worth, and more self-confidence.
Step 2: Speak Out What Your Goal Is
It’s very easy to get lost in negative thoughts and tell yourself you suck or that you are not good at something you are aiming for.
Whenever you speak negatively about yourself, you actually make yourself less confident. And no, that is not what we want!
When you are scared to do something but you really want to do it. Speak positively about it.
Speak it as if it is a possibility and that it is very likely that you will succeed but you just need to dot the i’s.
For instance:
I really want to speak in front of hundreds of people to share my message about toxic relationships. I just have to get more experienced and self-confident with speaking in front of a group of people.
This is much better than:
I really want to speak in front of hundreds of people to share my message about toxic relationships, but this is never going to happen because I’m so bad at finding the right words and I will embarrass myself.
The trick in doing this is to speak this out to people, the more people the better. The more you talk about it and convince other people you can, you will also get more confident that you are able to.
Step 3: Do More Than The Average Person
To gain more confidence in what you can become and achieve, you have to have some benchmarks.
When you really want to achieve something or become the best in your field, you are going to have to beat the average.
Doing more than the average person will give you that skill level and will give you the belief that you can and will achieve more than the average person. Just because you are doing more and putting in the effort.
By doing this you will also have the belief that you deserve more because you’ve become more than your peers (in some cases).
Going the extra mile will give you more benefits in several fields: skill, knowledge, experience, and ………. confidence.
Your Action Plan To Become More Confident
The above-mentioned steps are in a nutshell what you can do to become more confident and say goodbye to good old fear.
Step 1: Have self-discipline behind the scenes
Make a plan that is doable but does stretch you.
You are the one who knows what you want to achieve, by when and how.
I’m not kidding you, MAKE A PLANNING!!!
I know this might seem obvious but so many people only plan in their heads and not on paper.
Why is it so important to actually have something written down (digital or physical)?
Because it is physical and visible. You now made it halfway into reality, you only have to make it real now. This is also found in research and literature. When you write down your goals, you are about 46% more likely to achieve them.
Looking at that percentage, I don’t mind taking some time, a piece of paper, a pen, and making a plan if this is so important to me.
Whether it’s waking up earlier, reading books, working out, studying a play, dancing, you name it.
When you want to build up a skill, you are going to have to build a high level of self-discipline to achieve it. The thing here is, if you are sensitive to other people’s opinions and are afraid people might discourage you. You can keep this all to yourself! Which is great! The only person who has to know that this is a thing is YOU!
When you keep your goals in front of your eyes, no one really has to know about it. As long as you are working on it.
Step 2: Speak out what your goal is
Make affirmations that support you and your goal. You can tell your friends about your new adventure or you can again just keep this for yourself and speak some courage into your being to fire you up.
To really get this ingrained in your thinking, write down a few sentences, like above, concerning the goals you want to accomplish. Make a few variations of this.
Speak this out loud every morning, evening or whenever you have the time and look yourself in the eyes in the mirror while saying this.
You will not only hear yourself say this, but you will also see yourself say this.
When somebody is looking back at you while saying this, you believe this even more.
A little trick: try to look and speak as confident as you can to really convince yourself.
This might sound really lame. Nevertheless, just try it for a duration of at least 2 weeks every day. You will notice that you really start to feel different when you do this and you will start to believe that you can.
Of course, developing a skill and having experience needs time and effort and we are (unfortunately) not performing miracles like fairies. However, your state and your belief will change.
Knowing you can do something is already half the game.
Step 3: Do More Than The Average Person
Find out what you exactly need to do to achieve your goals. This is not just one sentence.
Go deep with this!
What do you have to THINK, FEEL, BELIEVE and DO in order to be up on the standard you want to be?
What will make the true difference here? What would make you leap forward tremendously when you would do that? Focus on that.
When you see your peers accomplishing something which you also want to accomplish, you do what they do AND a bit more of the good stuff that will make the difference.
Now hold on, let’s be very clear about this! I’m not trying to evoke any jealousy, b*!@#$ fights or other nasty behavior that you sometimes see in these situations. No, no, no. Please don’t be like that! You are better than this! You know the saying: “Only unhappy people put others down”.
We are trying to grow from this.
Focus on yourself and take people who are above you at the moment, as your example to learn from and do more of the stuff that will make you better.
This might feel like you are putting someone down or that you’re mean or surpassing someone on this, but you are doing yourself a favor in putting your growth first.
We can still have a good relationship with the people around us that are also working on themselves.
See it as a journey together rather than a race of fight.
This will make the world of difference!
When you do this, you will be on top of your game!
Final Words of Encouragement
Depending on how deep your fear is, working on it might take some time and courage.
However, I do believe anyone can grow tremendously in confidence if you are really willing to go for it and step out of your comfort zone.
If you consider taking these actions I wish you the best of luck 🎯🏆🥇 and make sure to leave a comment when you have taken the steps.
I love hearing about your progress and results.
Fear Its True Face
Ever wonder how to get over your greatest fear?
Do you even know what your greatest fear is? What it’s costing you and how it’s limiting you?
Do you know you are keeping yourself small because you are led by fear towards the other direction?
I’ve been there……… until I learned to work WITH fear, instead of staying away from “it”.
What if I told you that there is a way to effectively take fear by the hand and YOU guiding it towards your goal? Are you ready to dig deeper into your fear and work with it?
I’ve constructed an 8 step guide on how to get a grip of your fears to get insight into how you are playing small. These go-to steps for looking fear straight in the eye, will give you a grip on your fears, help you accept them, and work WITH them to achieve your highest goals in life.
Get Acquainted With Fear
You might have read a lot of quotes about fear that convince you that it isn’t a good advisor if you want to accomplish new heights in life. I couldn’t agree more!
Here are some examples:
”Fear is the thief of dreams” - Brian Krans
”We have nothing to fear, but fear itself” - F.D. Roosevelt
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear” - Jack Canfield
etc., etc.
Every person in the world has to deal with fears, maybe it’s the same fear you have, maybe it’s a more personal kind of fear.
This has to do with your own perception of the world, what you’ve experienced so far, and perhaps most important, how you perceived it.
There are a lot of fears that you can come across in your life.
Since you are reading this blog I assume you want to know how to get the best out of your life and get rid of fears that are holding you back at this stage in life.
Before you can EVER go past your fears, you have to acknowledge it, recognize it, and accept it as your fear before you can EVER do something about it.
This is not the most fun part of self-development, but it’s very essential.
I know, I know, nobody wants to take their finger and point it directly at themselves, but this is truly one of the most essential parts of getting ahead in life.
When you accept that you are the only person who is responsible to move forward in life and look fear in the eye when you have to, you are already one step ahead.
I want you to read through this blog not only as a source of information but also as a source of taking ACTION and taking the first step into looking your fears straight in the eye and say: BOOO! I got ya!
This is going to give you so much more grip on what it is your thinking, what you’re feeling and doing, that keep you from achieving your goals. You will have the handles to take amazing steps towards your goals while having a good time with your new best friend, your fear.
Once you have the awareness of what it is your fearing, you can get acquainted with it, accept it, and change your world with it.
“We see the world as we are, not what it is.” - Stephen R. Covey
Stop Running, Start Saying Hi!
As I said, there is not one person in the world that is without fear.
However, there are some people walking this earth who have mastered their thoughts, emotions, and feelings and just walk hand in hand with fear to their goal and destiny.
I want to be someone like that! Don’t you?
I’ve been making some great steps over the last few years, but I am still on my way to getting fearless.
THIS TAKES PRACTICE AND IS NOT DONE IN ONE SITTING!
Just so you know! 😉
It’s a way of seeing the world and whatever comes your way.
Nevertheless, you will get better at it and it will come more naturally.
In this blog, I want to give you some handles on how to recognize your fears and acknowledge them.
Recently I came across inspiring literature of Robin Sharma about fear.
Robin Sharma mentions that there are twelve core types of human fears. Every human has aspects of it in their lives, one more strongly than the other.
I went through this and thought it added value to the path I’ve been taking myself.
I have been going through the motion of taking action with my fears and I wanted to share with you the benefits it has brought me through this post. I want to share the actions you can take to become less of a puppet for your fears and actually get where you want to go.
Below I have listed the twelve fears by Robin Sharma and some examples to explain in what context it is meant.
12 Core Human Fears:
1) Fear of Failure
Failure is just market research of what works and what doesn’t. There are always other chances.
2) Fear of Success
Don’t stand out, don’t be special, and for the love of Donald Duck, don’t be successful!
3) Fear of Rejection
What if they don’t love me, like me, or even want to look at me? What if they make me feel like I don’t belong?
4) Fear of Not Being Good Enough
There are always people who know more, do more, and are more. Does that make me inadequate?
5) Fear of Not Having Enough
Fear of scarcity. I don’t know enough, I don’t have enough money, my house isn’t big enough and I’m not smart enough. When is what you have actually enough to be happy and fulfilled?
6) Fear of Looking Different
Fear of not living up to the expectations of others. I don’t want to look different in social presents. What if what I am doing is not normal or the social standard?
7) Fear of Losing Control
Fear of the unknown. Do I have influence over the result when I’m not in control?
8) Fear of Being Alone
When you are alone, you are alone with you. You and your thoughts and feelings and emotions. Do you like and appreciate your own company?
9) Fear of Illness
We are taught fear. Are you afraid of getting seriously ill? Which one of your family members was also afraid of getting ill?
10) Fear of Being Exposed as a Fraud
Imposter syndrome. Who are you to say or do this? You are completely wrong in whatever you are doing! You will get exposed no matter how good you think you are.
11) Fear of Love
You are not feeling worthy of love. I’m rejecting before I get rejected.
12) Being Insignificant
Not leaving my mark with the work I did and the difference I made. The work I did doesn’t matter. I’m leaving this earth in vain.
Shake Hands With Fear Action Plan
Now that you know the 12 fears, you want to dig deeper into how this plays up in your daily life.
Of course, not everything will play up in every situation, think about the things that are significant for you and how you go about it now that you would like to change.
Grab a piece of paper and pen and get insight into how your fears play a role in your life.
1) What is the fear you most relate to, make a top 3. (To help you with this, go over the 12 fears again and rank it from 1 to 10 on how this plays up for you in your life.)
2) What situations arise when you’re thinking about one particular fear at the time of your top 3? Be specific in the context.
3) Set your timer for 3 minutes and really think about this and feel what it does for you right now. What is it you want to say about it? Do this with every fear of your top 3 and write it all out. Be as short and long as you want to but do get it all out.
4) How does this fear reflect in your behavior, can you think of a situation where this fear was taking the biggest role and let your fill the backseat? What is it that you did exactly?
5) What is it you did and what is it you wanted to do? What was the ideal situation?
6) How is this fear helping you and/or protecting you?
7) How would working with this fear help you in life and this situation?
8) What could you do to take a step in the right direction, when this fear shows its face again?
Reflect
Reflect on what you have written down. Was it fun to do? I guess not!
I can imagine that you rather do something completely different, like eating ice cream or chocolate (maybe you can do this afterward 😊), but OMG how much did you get out on the table?
Did this resonate with you? I guess that some of them are quite familiar to you.
Did you feel anything? Did this make you sad, relieved, or maybe angry?
Whatever you felt, this is step one in facing your fears and loosening the grip.
I know, you are not there yet and you might feel like, okay, and now what?
Just let this sit with you for a while. This might feel uncomfortable, however, read your answers again in a day or 2 and reflect on it again. Are you ready to take more action on this?
If you are, click the links below for more fear-oriented articles to give you actionable insights to let your fears go and achieve your highest goals in life, with or without fear!
Fight Fear With A Plan
The million-dollar question here: Now that I know what my fears are, how do I overcome fear?
Very good question, with no one size, fits all answer. I’m sorry!
The answer to this is that it takes time, intention, and effort, and here’s the worst part; from YOU!
It takes courage to go 1000% for your goals and growing through your fears is one of those elements of accomplishing it. You have to look at what is holding you back and not moving you forward.
It’s all about creating the courage to be curious about your fears and creating awareness around it. With this awareness, you can specifically take steps to overcome and work through your fears.
Only then you can overcome it.
“The fears we don’t climb, become our walls”
- Noah Benshea
You can better work on this sooner than later. Think about all the chances and opportunities you might miss just because you don’t address your fears.
In what areas are you holding back or consciously keeping away from because you know it’s one of your fears.
Take deliberate steps and work through them, take baby steps if you need to.
You don’t have to be scared of public speaking today and speak at a conference next week. Look at the steps you can take now and see what is related to your current fear and find steps to grow closer to your biggest goal.
Make a plan for this and grow every little step of the way. Make sure you are not making excuses and sabotaging yourself by procrastinating. Someday is mostly not anytime soon.
“Someday is not a day in the week”
- Janet Dailey
This article is actually the grand finale of 2 other “building blogs” I’ve written about fear (sorry couldn’t help myself). If you want to dive into them as well, here are the links to the blogs:
3 Steps To Forget Fear And Become More Confident
In these blogs, you will find steps to make yourself more confident and bite fear in the butt. You can find an 8 step plan on how to get a grip on your fears.
So, what is there to find in this blog I hear you think. Well, here is where all the things come together.
Here I present the Fear Fight Plan.
Fear Fighting Plan:
1) Get to know your fears
The article ‘Fear Its True Face’ is basically about this. If you haven’t read it yet. This is the time to do it. What is it exactly that you are so afraid of and in what category would you place it.
2) Validate your fears
Hardly anyone likes this, however, it will give you so much understanding. Feel your fears. What is meant with this, also depends on what your fear is. Is there any way you can make yourself feel the fear? Get into the uncomfortable zone with this and just stay there for a while.
“Become comfortable with being uncomfortable”
- someone smart.
No matter how scared you get, do it anyway. It will make you grow tremendously and will give you confidence.
3) Putting a voice to your fear
Start talking about your fears. This doesn’t mean that you should blow your own horn and tell everybody how you are going to overcome your fears. This is about talking about what scares you with people you can trust. They might give you some good advice but what is most important here, is that you make your fear smaller. When you are always nervous or scared to talk about it. You make your fear bigger because it’s controlling you. When you’re talking about it you make it smaller and you will ventilate the pressure it is holding on you. This will help you make it more bite-size and workable.
4) Correspondence to fear
What always helps with anything that’s bothering you is to write it down. Write in a journal or what is even better, write a letter. Write a letter to your fear and write like it is especially for them, as you would write a letter to a person. This will clean a lot of mental clutter for yourself and you will be able to make it more tangible and you can tell him or her whatever is on your mind. Be sure you end your letter in a positive way so that it isn’t an open-end or leaves you with a negative feeling.
5) Execute intelligence around fear
I heard a story once that inspired me so much that I wanted to get it in here. The story is about a man that was always scared of dogs and did want to go near them if he didn’t have to. Once he was at a friend’s house. His friend had two big aggressive dogs that also didn’t seem to like him for some reason. The dogs remained outside on a chain so they couldn’t bother anyone. After a while, the man stood up and wanted to leave. For some reason, the big aggressive dogs were loose and approach the man with great speed and aggression. What the man did next was quite astonishing. He didn’t back down, run away, or folded himself up to a small ball but he actually ran towards them with great speed as well. The dogs couldn’t believe what happened and they actually backed down from their attack and rage.
The man, even though he was really afraid, approached his fears and went for it. His result was that he didn’t have to leave with any scars and that his fear actually seems very small in hindsight. This might sound very silly to you but this gave me an insight. If we all went for what we really want and face our fear like a tiger, nothing that stands in our way will actually be too big.
6) Fear Vision board
If you have something in your life that you really want to accomplish and it’s so compelling that you want to work on your fear for this. Make a vision board about it!
Make it as goal-oriented as possible. Your goal is what you want to accomplish, you only have to go past some hurdles. Which is ‘drumroll’…………. your fear. Make it as specific and as bite-size as possible. Preferably you can do something at least every week to become better at something or break a barrier towards your fear. Even if it’s just one little step. Be consistent with this and at the end of let’s say 6 months, you would believe what kind of progress you made.
7) Tell yourself new stories
Affirmations are true game changers! What we tell ourselves is SO crucial in accomplishing our goals and dreams.
We have to learn to ‘flip the switch’ every time we think something negative about ourselves or our goal. It’s very hard to flip the switch when we know that we are not good at something. Of course, we have to be realistic and keep it real. Here is an example:
I’m so bad at writing. I’ll never write that book.
Your new thought and affirmation: I’m amazing at writing now that I figured out how to write properly.
Now I hear you think: Well, that’s easy!
Nooooooooooooooooo, now you actually have to do something, take a course on writing i.e. to make this affirmation true. You will be more motivated to start, pursue and finish the course because your brain is wired to make what you say to yourself come true. We as humans are wired like that.
8) Love
Love is the antidote to fear. This has to do with step 7 as well. If you love something enough you are willing to go the extra mile and go past your fear.
When the tide is high and you really need to make an important step forward or approach a milestone, do what would be the biggest gesture of love in this case.
Choose love.
This is of course one of the ways to overcome your fears and I’m not saying this is the best or only way. I do truly believe that this will take you so much further than sitting around and just waiting for life to be over [let’s over dramatize]. I know from my own experience that this helped me a lot!
This Fear Fight Plan is inspired by the material of Robin Sharma, Terry Savele Foy, Les Brown, and other motivational speakers.
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes here and there. We, humans, are just not flawless and this is a process of growing. So, don’t expect to do everything right the first time. You will get better at it over time.
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one”
- Elbert Hubbard
I wish you good luck and growth while going through the steps above. Leave a comment if you feel like it and let me know what it did for you if you took this Fight Fear Plan on. I would love to hear from you.
