Are you wondering why some people are so confident in almost every situation? Do they have absolutely no fear or anxiety towards anything?

I used to wonder and ask myself this as well. What makes them so different? What do they do what I’m not doing? 

If you want to find out what practical steps you can take to start working on your fears and get more confident, read on.  

You might find this hard to believe but, there is not one person in the world who is absolutely fearless.

There are, and there will always be, fears in our lives. Big and small. There is no way around or beyond it. Fear is part of our brain and is how we are wired.
When we still lived in caves (like somewhere in the ’70s 😉) and were a prey for many animals, this actually helped us out quite a bit when a tiger was chasing us and we had enough fear to actually get up 😑 and run for our lives.

Nowadays, it’s not that necessary anymore but that part of our brain still exists and still plays a part. This plays a part in good ways but also in negative ways that unnecessarily take away our chances and opportunities. That is what I would like to shine a light on in this article.

The difference between people who go past their fears and succeed is the actions they take towards it.
Fear comes in different forms. We don’t have to shiver and feel complete terror to be ‘in fear’.
When you are insecure, frustrated, angry, or nervous, this is all born out of fear.

What you will read about in this blog is what the three steps are that you can take to get yourself out of fear and into becoming more confident.

• Have self-discipline behind the scenes

• Speak out what your goal is

• Do more than the average person

Step 1: Have Self-discipline Behind the Scenes

Be true to yourself when nobody’s watching.
What am I trying to say with this? When you make promises to yourself, do keep them!
Take action on the goals you set out for yourself and be as self-disciplined with this as you can. Be the best version of yourself that you can be.
Most important about this is, that you know and see yourself that you are capable of sticking to something and performing your best.
When you, the most important person in your life, are keeping your promise this builds your confidence.

Just to name an example:
When you are trying to lose weight. The thing you need to do is eat healthy, exercise, and work on your mindset to know that you will accomplish your goals.

Of course, your friends might support you and comfort you but you would have to do the hard and ‘lonely’ work yourself.

Specifically, when people aren’t around, you have to stick to the plan and make yourself do the good stuff. This is where your build your ‘confidence character’.

YOU GOT THIS!!!

When you made a promise to yourself and you are keeping yourself to it, you don’t need any outside source or social confirmation to tell you how you did or how you are doing. You know for yourself that you have the discipline to do something and get somewhere.

So when people have rude comments or are not as supportive as you hoped they would be, you can dust off those shoulders and confidently know and say that you did all you could and you know you did. No harsh words will get to you.
This will create self-respect, self-worth, and more self-confidence.  

Step 2: Speak Out What Your Goal Is

It’s very easy to get lost in negative thoughts and tell yourself you suck or that you are not good at something you are aiming for.

Whenever you speak negatively about yourself, you actually make yourself less confident. And no, that is not what we want!

When you are scared to do something but you really want to do it. Speak positively about it.
Speak it as if it is a possibility and that it is very likely that you will succeed but you just need to dot the i’s.

For instance:
I really want to speak in front of hundreds of people to share my message about toxic relationships. I just have to get more experienced and self-confident with speaking in front of a group of people.

This is much better than:

I really want to speak in front of hundreds of people to share my message about toxic relationships, but this is never going to happen because I’m so bad at finding the right words and I will embarrass myself.  

The trick in doing this is to speak this out to people, the more people the better. The more you talk about it and convince other people you can, you will also get more confident that you are able to.

Step 3: Do More Than The Average Person

To gain more confidence in what you can become and achieve, you have to have some benchmarks.

When you really want to achieve something or become the best in your field, you are going to have to beat the average.

Doing more than the average person will give you that skill level and will give you the belief that you can and will achieve more than the average person. Just because you are doing more and putting in the effort.

By doing this you will also have the belief that you deserve more because you’ve become more than your peers (in some cases).

Going the extra mile will give you more benefits in several fields: skill, knowledge, experience, and ………. confidence.   

Your Action Plan To Become More Confident

The above-mentioned steps are in a nutshell what you can do to become more confident and say goodbye to good old fear.

Step 1: Have self-discipline behind the scenes

Make a plan that is doable but does stretch you.
You are the one who knows what you want to achieve, by when and how.
I’m not kidding you, MAKE A PLANNING!!!
I know this might seem obvious but so many people only plan in their heads and not on paper.
Why is it so important to actually have something written down (digital or physical)?
Because it is physical and visible. You now made it halfway into reality, you only have to make it real now. This is also found in research and literature. When you write down your goals, you are about 46% more likely to achieve them.

Looking at that percentage, I don’t mind taking some time, a piece of paper, a pen, and making a plan if this is so important to me.

Whether it’s waking up earlier, reading books, working out, studying a play, dancing, you name it.

When you want to build up a skill, you are going to have to build a high level of self-discipline to achieve it. The thing here is, if you are sensitive to other people’s opinions and are afraid people might discourage you. You can keep this all to yourself! Which is great! The only person who has to know that this is a thing is YOU!

When you keep your goals in front of your eyes, no one really has to know about it. As long as you are working on it.  

Step 2: Speak out what your goal is

Make affirmations that support you and your goal. You can tell your friends about your new adventure or you can again just keep this for yourself and speak some courage into your being to fire you up.

To really get this ingrained in your thinking, write down a few sentences, like above, concerning the goals you want to accomplish. Make a few variations of this.

Speak this out loud every morning, evening or whenever you have the time and look yourself in the eyes in the mirror while saying this.

You will not only hear yourself say this, but you will also see yourself say this.
When somebody is looking back at you while saying this, you believe this even more.
A little trick: try to look and speak as confident as you can to really convince yourself.

This might sound really lame. Nevertheless, just try it for a duration of at least 2 weeks every day. You will notice that you really start to feel different when you do this and you will start to believe that you can.

Of course, developing a skill and having experience needs time and effort and we are (unfortunately) not performing miracles like fairies. However, your state and your belief will change.
Knowing you can do something is already half the game.

Step 3: Do More Than The Average Person

Find out what you exactly need to do to achieve your goals. This is not just one sentence.
Go deep with this!

What do you have to THINK, FEEL, BELIEVE and DO in order to be up on the standard you want to be?
What will make the true difference here? What would make you leap forward tremendously when you would do that? Focus on that.

When you see your peers accomplishing something which you also want to accomplish, you do what they do AND a bit more of the good stuff that will make the difference.

Now hold on, let’s be very clear about this! I’m not trying to evoke any jealousy, b*!@#$ fights or other nasty behavior that you sometimes see in these situations. No, no, no. Please don’t be like that! You are better than this! You know the saying: “Only unhappy people put others down”.

We are trying to grow from this.

Focus on yourself and take people who are above you at the moment, as your example to learn from and do more of the stuff that will make you better.

This might feel like you are putting someone down or that you’re mean or surpassing someone on this, but you are doing yourself a favor in putting your growth first.
We can still have a good relationship with the people around us that are also working on themselves.
See it as a journey together rather than a race of fight. 

This will make the world of difference!
When you do this, you will be on top of your game!

Final Words of Encouragement

Depending on how deep your fear is, working on it might take some time and courage.

However, I do believe anyone can grow tremendously in confidence if you are really willing to go for it and step out of your comfort zone.

If you consider taking these actions I wish you the best of luck 🎯🏆🥇 and make sure to leave a comment when you have taken the steps.

I love hearing about your progress and results.